Ever since the boys were born, I had this weird mom "guilt". I put it in quotes because I have no idea what else to call it - and I know I've touched on it a little bit here on my blog before, but haven't gone too in depth. This is a public blog after all.
But what I mean is, I have never felt like there has been enough of me to give to Conor and Caden. Yes, I know, there are millions of other Moms out there with twins, or with two or three or four (or more) kids. I don't know how you do it! I feel like I don't give the boys enough attention, enough hugs, enough playtime, enough ME. Does that even make sense? Maybe it's because I work full time and don't see them that often. But I have honestly felt like this since the day we got home from the hospital - when it was just me and the babies. Here's a more recent example:
I arrive at daycare at the end of the day to pick them up. I ring the doorbell and hear FOUR little footsteps eagerly running over to answer the door. I hear their excited breaths through the door because they know their Mommy is on the other side. I am excited and they are excited. It's my favorite time of day. The door opens and there are two hugely ecstatic boys right in front of my face, most often holding a toy up in the air to show me - and telling me all about their day in their cute little jargon they still use. Then they both reach up to me, "up, UP, UPPY!!!!" at the same time. It quickly shifts from excited and happy, to dreaded tantrums since I can barely hold one right now - nevermind the both of them. I have to choose who to hold, and who to talk to about their day first. And that kills me. How do I choose?!?!? Often it's Caden, because Conor sucks his thumb and is a bit more patient. Other times it's Conor because he will throw a fit. It's hard.
I know they are used to it and it's all they know...but I feel extra emotional adding a third baby to the family, especially when I feel like Conor and Caden need more from me. They are aware of things more now and they know what they want. And soon, they will be getting even less from me. It makes me sad. If you other moms of multiples or moms of multiple children or working moms have any advice, I could use some! The struggle is REAL over here guys! ;)
With that said, here are some recent pics of me spending time with the boys, and trying to document and soak up every second. I don't want to blink again and have another two years go by.
PS Flashback photo of the boys 2 years ago today. 5/11/2014. On Callie's birthday - their cousin who is 5 days younger than them. HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY, CALLIE!!!!